Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
