Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
