I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
