he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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