if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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