One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize