remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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