He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize