I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
