how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
