You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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