i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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