So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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