I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
