Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
