Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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