Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
