In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Acid is not a monday night drug
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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