I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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