bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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