Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
