No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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