Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Terrible idea I love it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize