I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
