I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize