You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
