No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
