I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
