You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i think my cat just said my name.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
