Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
