Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
