He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
