All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
