she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
