I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
