if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
