I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
