I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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