I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
