Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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