Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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