I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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