1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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