You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
