I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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