hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
