I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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