I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I skipped work to stalk him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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