ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
