it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
