He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
