Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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