You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
