haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i now understand why vodka
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
