i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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