You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
