I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
