i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
