this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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