alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
