HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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