Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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