ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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