MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
