I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
