what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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