if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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