don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
