Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
