You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
