sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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