yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
